"When I Was Younger, So Much Younger than Today....."

".....I NEVER NEEDED ANYBODY'S HELP IN ANY WAY"

Obviously, everyone who makes it to this ripe old age needs someones help in one way or another. I sure I know I do. Case in point.....

We were enjoying a most enjoyable dinner at the Lake Chalet in Oakland last evening with our ubiquitous Gang. At one point I found I needed to go to the, uh, facilities. I knew kinda where it was, so I made it there. Upon pushing on the door, it did not seem to want to open, which I took to mean it must have been occupied.

No problem, I thought, there must be another one down this hall. I looked down the hall, and started walking. I saw another gentleman walking towards me, getting closer quickly. He was walking directly at me, so I stepped a bit to my left to allow him to try the unyielding door, if in fact that was his purpose. He immediately stepped to his right, placing him directly in front of me and drawing closer and closer. Finally we were virtually face-to-face. I could not comprehend what must have been on his mind to walk aggressively up to me.

Being so close, I couldn't help but notice his rugged good looks. Then to my surprise, I crashed into him, nose-to-nose! It was then I noticed the tell-tale twin spots of condensation in front of my nose....it wasn't a long hallway, it was a large floor-to-ceiling mirror! And the dashing stud I collided with was......ME!

I meekly returned to Door #1 and easily entered. I was both amused and embarrassed. Hoping nobody had seen my "encounter", I walked back to our table with my head down, hopefully remaining unrecognized by any potential witnesses. When I sat back down, I stared intently at my plate, hoping to avoid eye contact with my friends lest they sense my embarrassment. I continued to stare down even after my plate was cleared. My friend J.P. finally asked me "Bob/Irv, why are you staring at the table?" I hesitated, then replied, "Oh, uh,...I am checking out the linen for tablecloth bugs. They are relatives of bed bugs. You can't be too careful these days."

A cup of coffee arrived (decaf, of course), and Cherie asked me "Why are you staring at your coffee now, looking for coffee bugs?" Well, this elicited a chorus of laughs from everybody, so I managed to embarrass the crap outta myself anyway. Finally, as we parted later at the parking valet, I related the true story. There was stone silence, and then my dear wife said, "I'll take you to the car now, and I'm driving home."

Bob/Irv